


Renesmee Cullen Has a Grand Gay Time

by lesbiancharliekelly



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-05 16:18:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15867243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiancharliekelly/pseuds/lesbiancharliekelly
Summary: Renesmee Cullen is now 20 years old, and going to Evergreen College to meet some humans and figure out she's gay!





	1. Chapter 1

I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood. As in, both my parents and everyone I knew was a vampire. Picture like, Christian homeschooling, only instead of not wanting to teach me about evolution, I had to have extra lessons about controlling my bloodlust and Not Letting The Humans Know I Existed. Really boring stuff.

Being a homeschooled vampire has never made for a great dating life. My dad, Edward, is incredibly over-protective of me despite the fact that as far as I can tell, my parents got together after he watched my mom sleep without her knowing. So, like, he’s not really one to talk. My mom, Bella, is maybe a little bit more chill, but the whole me-aging-rapidly and then never again really messed with her. And I get like, yeah, keep the ten-year-old kid who looks 20 in the house but now I’m fully 20 years old, been on this earth that long and all, and it’s getting a little old. (Unlike me! Ha!) So.

The absolute best news ever, though, is that we’ve just moved back to the Pacific Northwest, which I guess is where they met. We’re living in Olympia, Washington, where Evergreen College is, and I’ve finally convinced them they should let me go to school. I know dad used to go to high school even after he was a vampire (which, like, why?), so I finally convinced him it would only be fair to let me go to college. The thing that sucks, though, about being a young vampire is that you know you’re going to live forever and probably like, master every instrument on the planet and teach yourself molecular physics or something out of boredom, only for now you’re just as untalented as every human. My parents tell me my impression of humans is a little skewed because it comes almost exclusively from reality TV and ‘90’s sitcoms. But hey, what are you gonna do.

At least my mom is a pretty young vampire. I’d honestly have to take a stake to my heart if it was only dad’s side of the family around. They get into debates about, like, Upton Sinclair, and it’s like, I’m sure he was groundbreaking and all but I have literally no idea what you’re talking about. Or they start seeing who can play Mozart best and it’s like, well, duh, all of you, because you’ve been studying the piano for a bajillion years and also your heightened dexterity in your fingers.

So yeah. I’m pretty much just your average, untalented girl next door. Only I hardly ever go out in the sun, and also I can send pictures to you with my mind. Unfortunately, that skill probably won’t help at all with jewelry making, which is the class I’m about to take as soon as I figure out where to park my jeep. Well, the class actually has some sort of long and important sounding title that I can’t remember, like all Evergreen classes. But it’s basically about jewelry making, and also metal forging. And forging metal to make jewelry.

Evergreen is this total hippie school, where you don’t have grades and take one class at a time, so I thought it would be perfect for me. Even a reclusive vampire can’t be the weirdest person on this campus, right? And I’m taking jewelry making and metal forging because it’s one of the few skills no one else in my extended family has bothered to master, so I have a chance at not feeling ridiculous when I turn out to be as bad at it as I am at everything else. And also because forging metal sounds incredibly awesome.

Evergreen is in the middle of a literal rainforest, which is great because not only will the sun never be out ever, I’m used to forests. I try to take a deep breath and think about, like, snapping a deer’s neck with my bare teeth to calm myself down. Just normal stuff that I’m used to, get my mind off the whole “be-surrounded-by-strange-humans-and-sit-in-buildings-learning-things” that is about to happen.

I’ve been out around humans a bit to practice for this, but someone has always been with me. Usually Jasper, because he can calm me down if I get too excited. He’s only my second favorite uncle, though, don’t tell anyone, because he’s all “let’s talk about your feelings, Renesmee” and “Let’s go to take a walk by the waterfront, Renesmee” whereas Emmett, my favorite uncle, is all “Let’s see how big of a car you can lift over your head when no one’s looking” and “Let’s check out this dive bar and laugh about how bad drunk humans are at fighting.” Anyway. I haven’t talked to that many kids my age aside from a few newbies that get turned and also aren’t consumed with terrible blood lust and stop by our house for a few days. They’ve been pretty cool. They tell me about things like how they used to really like avocado toast before they turned, or about Cardi B’s music, or what the phrase “big dick energy” means. So I hope I won’t be totally uncool.

I’m trying to remember the rest of the stuff those young vampires told me as I finally find the right parking lot and turn my car off. Then I sit in my car and try to do those deep breathing exercises I’ve seen on YouTube. They look so calming, but since I only like half need to breath, they don’t work that well for me. Evergreen isn’t even that big of a school, but it feels like an overwhelming amount of people are in the parking lot as I get out of my car and join the crowd. There’s kids in khakis and sandals; in ripped jeans and jackets with patches and combat boots; in flannel shirts. There’s people with shaved heads, with dyed pink hair, you name it. After living my whole life with a bunch of people who were born 100 years ago, it’s refreshing.

When I finally find the building, almost everyone else is already there and sitting down. Do people get to class early on the first day? I guess. The only open spot is next to this incredibly gorgeous person. They have short brown hair, a pixie cut basically, but it looks like they didn’t really take the time to comb it, or whatever it is you do with short hair, and bits of hair are sticking up everywhere. They have on a flannel shirt, and I’ve never seen anyone wear a flannel shirt before except in like, picture books about farms that I read when I was little. Vampires aren’t big on flannel. But this is flannel like I’ve never seen it before.

Trying not to stare too hard, I take a seat next to them and smile shyly. They smile back. When the professor has us go around and introduce ourselves, they’re the only person whose name I can remember. “Hi, I’m Nat, I’m a sophomore, I use she/her/hers pronouns.” It takes me a second to realize that the silence in the room is because it’s now my turn to introduce myself, and not because everyone else is just overcome by Nat. It’s times like these I’m glad I’m half vampire, because otherwise my face would probably be bright red right now.

The professor introduces herself, then starts talking to us about craft versus art. Craft, I guess, is things like jewelry making, and sewing, and it’s work that women historically do, and it’s undervalued. And while I feel like that is all really interesting, I’m having a hard time taking notes, because this girl is sitting so close to me. Is this what it’s like to have bloodlust? My parents have always told me that even when I was little, I was way better at controlling myself around the scent of blood than most new vampires. And even going out to practice being around humans with Jasper, no one had really drawn my attention like this. But I don’t think I want to eat her?? More like… get to know her? Am I going crazy because my parents were too scared of the humans finding out about my weird aging thing or the Volturi deciding to finally do me in that now I don’t know how to just… make friends in a chill way? Or is this what making friends is like?

I try to think about the hit show, Friends, that I’ve watched a lot despite it being really sexist and all. They all basically lived with each other. Maybe wanting to constantly be around another person is just, like, an early-twenty-something mood. But I don’t even know this girl yet. Is it weird that I want to be around her all the time? And how am I supposed to get to know her? The usual questions I ask and answer when getting to know someone are, like, “So when did you turn into a vampire? Do you eat humans? No? Cool. What are your special powers?” I have the feeling this won’t work with humans.

Before I know it, it turns out that I’ve used up the whole class time being consumed with worry about my social inability, and also trying to replay episodes of Friends in my head. When the professor dismisses us to go, however, Nat doesn’t just pack up her books and bolt. She turns to me and says, “Renesmee, huh? That’s a pretty interesting name.” I don’t usually get this question, because I guess after the whole “my parents bringing people from around the globe to face off against the only sort of government we vampires have” thing, people tended to hear about it. But enough new vampires have been curious about my name that I’m pretty over explaining it. Like, thanks mom, I’m glad you love the strong women in your life, but wasn’t there some other way of showing that?

But when she asks the question, somehow I’m not annoyed. She says it with this little smile that makes me feel like we have this great inside joke, even though we just met and she’s just asking about my name. But it’s like she thinks I’m an interesting person, or something. It just makes me happy that I’m someone she’d remember the name of, and want to smile at.

Which is how everyone feels when they just want to form a casual friendship with the girl from school, right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just your usual gay angst from a girl who doesn't know she's gay yet.

As soon as I get back from class and walk in the door to my house, I am overwhelmed by a rush of family members. Only Carlisle isn’t there, because he’s working late at the hospital. But everyone else, I think, used their superhuman hearing to anticipate my arrival and they are all making a poor attempt of looking occupied and casual near the front door. As soon as I close it, their eyes snap to me. But they all hesitate to say anything. I bet someone – probably Esme – warned them to take it easy on me. It’s not really working, though. The intensity of everyone’s gazes is basically just as bad as the million questions I know they want to ask. My dad’s probably, like, barely restraining himself from reading my mind, out of respect for my privacy. But if they aren’t going to ask me anything outright, I’m not going to cave in and share everything about my day that easily. What would I even say? Oh yeah I was distracted by this random human girl the whole class. Don’t really know what that was about. Let me know if you have any ideas! 

Emmett is the one who finally breaks the tension. His face splits into a huge grin as he asks, “So, cuz, how was your first day of school?” That’s our new joke, him calling me cuz, since if I make any friends at school (fingers crossed) and they meet my family, I can’t well tell them Edward and Bella are my mom and dad and everyone else are my aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I’m now technically older than dad, something which I remind him of whenever he tries to get me to do anything. (And something he does not appreciate being reminded of.) But anyway, we’re going to be pretending that we’re all cousins, instead. Everyone else in the family is still getting used to it, but Emmett thinks it’s hilarious.

“It was good,” I say, reluctant to offer too many details. This, of course, doesn’t satisfy them.

“What was the lecture like?” Alice asks hesitantly, not wanting to push me but as eagerly for details as everyone else.

She’s so sweet I can’t help but tell her at least something. “Well, to be honest, I wasn’t paying that much attention. I guess being around humans is more distracting than I thought it would be.”

Dad immediately tenses up, of course. Or, I guess I should get used to calling him Edward. On account of the whole potentially-having-to-pretend-he’s-my-cousin thing. So anyway, Edward asks me, “Were you… hungry around them?”

I roll my eyes and say indignantly, “No, nothing like that. They were just interesting. Unlike you all.” Emmett snorts. Edward has always been a bit overprotective. I can tell he’s biting back some follow-up comment.

But before he can speak, Mom—I mean, Bella—takes the conversation in a whole new direction which is somehow just as irritating. She smiles at me mischievously and says, “Any human in particular?”

God. She’s way too perceptive. I shrug and say as casually as I can, “There’s this one girl I want to be friends with, but we didn’t really talk that much.”

Alice’s eyebrows crease a bit, and she says, “This is what I was worried about Nessie. Are we sure we don’t think Nessie should get a dorm on campus? Even when we were considering that as an option, I never saw anything going badly.”

“We agreed it’s too dangerous, at least at first,” Edward replies. No ordinary college experience for me. Well, when has anything ever been ordinary for me anyway. Anxious to avoid another argument about this, or answer any more questions, I joke, “So, Alice, what do you see? Am I gonna get an A+?”

She just smiles at me, and everyone seems to take the hint that the conversation is over. “I’m headed upstairs to do some homework,” I say. I love my family, but I sometimes wish everyone didn’t feel the need to weigh in on absolutely everything in my life. The amount of family meetings we have is absurd. I swear they’ve only increased as I’ve gotten older. You’d think not having to defend themselves life and limb against the Volturi anymore would have chilled them out, but they always find new things to worry about, like my social life.

Unfortunately. I think dad and mom think that because they were basically just friends with each other when they were younger, that’s what everyone wants. Like, Oh, Renesmee can go out and find one person, save them from certain death by stopping a van with her bare hands, forcing her to reveal her secret, that she is a vampire, and then that person will be turned into a vampire too and join our weirdly insular family.

But my life has been full of intense and codependent relationships as long as I can remember. What if I just want someone to, like, grab a beer with? Not that beer tastes good. But I’ll pretend it’s as good as blood if it means I can have just one, like, chill conversation, where we talk about the weather or something. Except unfortunately even that can be a loaded topic when you’re a vampire and your skin has a particular… sheen in the sun. Whatever. We can talk about baseball or something and I can pretend that I think the normal kind of baseball is interesting.

Does Nat like baseball? As soon as I think that, I groan, throwing myself onto my bed facedown. I wish there was a way I could Google this. I picture, like, a Teen Vogue Article called “Is it Lust or is it Bloodlust?: The All-You-Need-to-Know Teen Vampire Survival Guide.” But then my face immediately colors, or it would if I had more blood running through my system I’m sure. Because what I’m feeling for Nat isn’t lust! I just thought of it because it makes a really snappy article title. God I wish there was, like, a yahoo answers but for vampires. I can’t just Google “Do I want to make friends with this person or drink her blood?” without getting myself on some kind of watch list.

I guess I should get more involved at school. Like, not just come straight home after class. But as much as I wanted to avoid weird questions from my family, I also wanted to avoid the weirdness of a cafeteria. Like, paying to eat human food? Yuck. And at Evergreen they call it The Greenery, not the cafeteria. Like, what is that? Do they just have salad and stuff? If I have to eat human food I at least want to eat, like, meat. I’m guessing The Greenery doesn’t do a good rare stake.

And yeah, I may have superhuman strength and stuff like that, but I have sub-par social skills. That’s the one thing the movies never tell you about vampires. They suck (ha!) at just being, like, normal. How do you know where to sit? Isn’t that the plot of every coming of age movie? Not knowing where to sit in the cafeteria? I know it’s not high school, but still. But then again, how am I supposed to become friends with humans (well, specifically one human) if I’m not ever around them.

All the internet stuff I’ve found about college is, like, advice about not writing your essays last minute. They assume you’ve got basic social skills down pat. I consider reading a Wiki How article on “How to Make Friends” but even I won’t sink that low.

I guess I have to join a club or something. Ugh. Or, well, maybe I can see if Nat is in any sort of club. Joining a club with her in it wouldn’t be so bad.

I resolve that tomorrow, I will actually stick around after class. I will actually talk to her. I don’t know what, exactly, I will say. But… real, actual words will come out of my mouth. I practice in my head. "Do you like baseball?" No, that’s too out of left field. (Ha!) "So, any cool clubs you’re a part of?" Hmmm, no, I sound like a potential stalker. "Let me touch your arm so I can convey to you in pictures what I’m thinking! It’s this cool, fun skill I have that has also made me inept at making casual conversation!"

I’m screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the second chapter! The next one will have less internal gay angst & more of Renesmee actually talking to girls, I promise! I'm already working on it now. Let me know what you think! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renesmee & Nat actually have a full conversation! Wow! And future plans are made.

The next day, I get to school early. I figure that way I don’t have to agonize about whether or not to sit next to Nat again – I can just sit where I was yesterday and let her make the decision. It’s a bit awkward, though, because a lot of the people aren’t first years like me, and so they come to class in twos or threes and are immediately absorbed in talking amongst themselves.

Since I have the social skills of any twenty-year-old reclusive half-vampire half-human, which is to say none, I’m too shy to introduce myself. Instead I half listen to their conversation, half look at my phone so I don’t seem like a total loser. Some of them seem cool enough, but I’m honestly so nervous waiting to see if Nat will arrive and if she’ll sit next to me that I can’t bring myself to care too much about anyone else. Which is ridiculous, I remind myself, because I don’t even know her. Is it just that barely having ever talked to anyone my age means that I was bound to fixate on the first person that smiled at me?

But just to increase my agony, it seems like everyone in the class gets here before Nat. I wish I had Alice’s powers, so I could use them to see when Nat is going to get to class. I know if Alice were here she’d tell me that’s not how it works, but still. Luckily, everyone else takes the same seats they had yesterday too, leaving the seat next to me still open when the professor walks in. Still no Nat.

Dejectedly, I decide I’ll actually take notes today, but I wonder in the back of my mind if Nat decided to drop the class or something. I guess Edward isn’t the only worrier of the family – growing up hiding the very nature of my existence from all humans I guess gave me a bit of an anxious personality too.

Five minutes in to the class, though, Nat bursts through the door, breathless but holding a huge iced cup of coffee in her hands. Also, I swear to God there’s dirt smeared on her forehead. She smiles apologetically at the professor, then comes and sits down next to me. Which is good for my anxiety but bad for my grades, because my stomach goes “!” when she takes her seat and immediately I can’t concentrate on the lecture. 

After she drops her bag on the floor, Nat starts to lean toward me, and I have the thought, “What is she trying to do? Kiss me?” and I can feel myself flush despite my half vampire complexion. I realize she’s just trying to whisper something to me without interrupting class. “Glad you saved me a seat,” she says, and I swear to God she winks at me. If she ever got turned into a vampire, I think winking would be her super power, because she’s already so damn good at it. It always seemed like such a cheesy thing to do to me, but when she does it, it has this fun conspiratorial edge to it.

I can’t even be too happy about her winking at me, though, because I’m so caught up in wondering why I thought she was going to kiss me. In a room full of students?? Am I so socially inept that I can’t interpret basic human interactions? Why is that where my mind went?

Still, I do my best to smile back at her in what I hope is a cool, calm, and collected way, and also my best to not think about how I want to reach out and wipe the dirt from her face. Maybe I’m just curious what human skin would feel like, because when she whispered in my ear, she was so close I could feel heat radiating from her face. Is that creepy? Is it just the heightened vampire senses?

But as much as I want to reach out toward her, even if we weren’t in the middle of class I’d still be scared to touch her. I can convey my thoughts with touch, and I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now. God forbid anyone else should know. If I lost my cool around her (if – well, I already have) I’m afraid I’d accidentally use my powers on her. And if I want to make friends at this school, I don’t think letting them in on my crazed inner thoughts is the way to do it.

I finally force myself to concentrate on the lecture, though, because the professor is talking about metal welding, which sounds both dangerous and fun. Plus, if I’m going to be better at something than everyone else in my family, I’m going to have to actually pay attention at some point. It seems like both an incredibly long and short time before class time is up and the professor is dismissing us.

Nat starts to pack up her stuff, and my mind races through a million possibilities of things to say to her before she leaves, but what I end up blurting out, “You have dirt on your face!”

Before I can immediately curse my very existence (you know, if God hasn’t already done that, like Edward thinks he has), she just smiles at me and goes, “Oh, do I? Must be from the farm.” I can’t help noticing that she like scrunches up her nose really endearingly when she smiles.

“The farm?” I ask.

“Yeah, the organic farm that we have on campus? You’re telling me you’ve never heard of it? Ever? Are you freshman?”

“Yeah, technically. I’m twenty, though,” I rush to add, in an effort to make myself seem cooler, although I don’t think blurting out your age to seem cool is actually hip to do once you’re not, like, thirteen.

“Still, though, you didn’t read about it in any of the brochures? You didn’t see it on the tour? Sorry, I’m not trying to be mean or anything, it’s just they love to talk about it in all the promotional material and stuff. Did you just like walk out of the woods and onto campus?”

Practically, I want to say, but I don’t. I think I remember reading something about the farm, but to be honest, I just don’t think it caught my attention. Farms just don’t seem that… interesting. I hunt mountain lions. Petting a goat or whatever it is that you do on farms… I can’t imagine it would be quite the same adrenaline rush.

I don’t say any of this to Nat, though. In fact, before I can say anything, I notice we’re the only ones still in the classroom, and she says, “Hey, where are you headed? The Greenery?” I nod. I’m going to have to eat human food at some point. Might as well be with her. “Cool, we can walk together!”

As we make our way out of the building, it’s raining, but neither of us even notices it. You get used to it, living in the Pacific North West. “So…” I say, “….the farm. Do you, like, work there?”

She nods, seeming more enthusiastic than I’d ever imagine someone would be about working on a farm. “Well, I volunteer there. I’m part of this student group that helps maintain gardens for the community to use. I like to go down there in the morning before class to garden. It, like, calms my mind. Is that a really dorky thing to say?” She kind of laughs at herself.

I shake my head. For some reason, she’s making me almost want to garden, even though vegetables are like the worst of the worst. But she’s just so enthusiastic about everything she says. She talks at top volume and sort of throws her arms around wildly in the air as she’s talking. It’s an enthusiasm that’s catching. Maybe that’s why I want to be around her so much. After living with a bunch of technically dead people my whole life, I could use some of her energy in my life.

When we reach the cafeteria, I’m relieved to see that there’s hamburgers among the choices offered. I take one, as Nat loads up on a whole variety of stuff – mac and cheese, salad, French fries. I feel proud of myself as I name them all in my head – Bella made me learn about human food before I came to school. She pulled out this really old cookbook she had back when she was human, and she got really reminiscent so it took about 1,000 years for us to get through because she kept telling me, “Oh, I used to cook this for Charlie!”

Nat doesn’t stop talking practically the whole time we’re in line. She leads the way to a table with her overflowing plate in hand, and once we sit down, she shovels food in her mouth and continues to talk at the same time. She tells me more about the farm, and about how she grew up in San Diego. “It’s so hot there, and there’s basically no plants around. Ugh. So that’s why I’m so excited about living here. I’m mainly studying environmental science – this jewelry making class is just kind of a break!” It’s only after she’s been talking for about ten minutes that she claps her hand over her mouth, waves a fork full of macaroni in the air frantically and asks, “Oh no, is it rude that I’ve been talking with my mouth full?”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. I can’t tell her what I’m really thinking, which is that it’s honestly just fascinating to watch a human eat. I’ve been picking at my hamburger, eating enough to look normal. But I love how much she loves her food. She goes after her pasta and salad with such intensity that it’s easy for me to imagine her as a vampire, intently tracking down a dear or a bear. But all I say is, “No, you’re good. I want to hear about the farm, and I also want you to be able to eat your lunch.”

Her eyes light up, and I can tell she has an idea. “You should come with me, next time I go gardening! I can show you the farm! I mean, if you don’t mind getting up early or anything.” It’s the one time I’ve heard a hint of shyness in her voice so far.

I don’t tell her that I don’t really need to sleep. Instead I just say, “I’m an early riser.”

“Great! I know you’ll love it.” Am I actually excited to tour a farm? I tell myself that I’m just excited to see more of the campus. I’m getting involved with student life. Well, the life of one student, I guess. That’s okay. I can make more friends later. We’ll just have a nice, friendly stroll on a farm, and maybe if we get up early enough we can watch the sun rise together. Not that I care. But it would be nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I already have a bit of the next few chapters done, and I'm excited for where they're going to go. Renesmee is going to actually figure out she's gay soon, I promise. More good gay content & Cullen family times to come!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat and Renesmee meet up at the vegetable garden. There are some gay feelings. There is some angst.

The next morning I get up early. I know I technically don’t even have to sleep (being half vampire means it’s an optional thing for me), but come on, are you telling me if you have the chance to lie down and not think for a few hours you wouldn’t take advantage of that? Still, my eyes snap open the moment my alarm goes off. I creep downstairs, hoping one of my million family members who actually literally never sleep won’t see me and ask where I’m going. Because telling them I am going to a vegetable garden before the crack of dawn will no doubt make them think I’ve lost it. Maybe you didn’t think vampires could be lazy, but I am here to tell you that in my incredibly athletic and talented family, I take the cake for laziness. At least I stand out in some way, I guess. So for me, a huge fan of hunting mountain lions, leaving the house this early for vegetables of all things is really something.

But as I creep downstairs, a few of my not-so-lazy family members are up. In particular, my parents, unfortunately. Edward looks up from the cross stitch he’s doing (a new hobby he picked up since he basically mastered the piano and all that – only took him over one hundred years to unlearn toxic masculinity and have some fun cross stitching.) Bella is lounging on the couch re-reading a Jane Austin novel.

“Where are you going so early?” Edward asks.

Before I can answer, Bella says, “Edward, she’s in college. Let her live a little.”

“I know, I’m just curious,” he says. Thankfully, he doesn’t try to read my mind. Everyone else in this family might be fine with him doing that (which, wild, but okay), but as his kid we struck a deal pretty early on that he wouldn’t read my mind unless I told him he could. Just your normal, fun parent-child negotiations.

“Just going to campus early to get some reading done,” I say as breezily as I can. But I’m an anxious mess and bad at lying, so I don’t know how convincing I am. I don’t stick around to find out, though. Instead, I just yell, “Bye!” over my shoulder as I head out the door.

When I get to the vegetable garden, Nat is already there, even though the sun isn’t in the sky yet and I’ve heard that humans have to sleep, like, eight hours a day. She smiles at me, and I smile back nervously. Why am I so jittery? Maybe it’s just all so human, the vegetable garden and everything. It’s not something I’m used to.

“Sleep well?” she asks. I nod. I’m so bad at this whole talking thing. I wish I could just project images of my night into her brain. I don’t know why I’m in such a rush to over share my powers and vampire life with her. I’m sure it would just freak her out. But I can’t help imagining the small chance that it wouldn’t. After decades of living with people who all know me maybe too well, you’d think that maybe I’d be glad for this sort of just casual friendship. There is something exciting about how she can’t see my future, can’t read my mind, hasn’t known me since the minute I was born, but in a weird way it makes me want to share parts of myself with her. Something about getting to chose what I share is sweet and exciting. It’s just nice to have someone that’s not family but who still thinks I’m interesting, I guess.

But, right now we’re not showing off our psychic abilities and telling each other about our families. Instead, she’s showing me leaves poking out of dirt and describing the process of taking care of all the different types of plants to me. As I listen, I can see why she likes it. There’s something cool about putting so much time and care into slowly creating all this life. It reminds me of Edward and his cross stitching, honestly. Both projects require a patience and attention to detail that I imagine would make the end result all the more rewarding. Also, like, maybe for humans this careful attention to growing their own food is as close as they can get to that proud feeling I get after I take down a bear, where I know I really earned my meal. I guess she could go out shooting deer in the forest with a gun, but she doesn’t seem the type. Anyway, it’s just sweet how much she cares about all these little plants.

She plucks a small tomato off a vine and is uncharacteristically quiet for a second, seeming to consider something, before extending the tomato to me delicately. “Here,” she says, “for you to try.” I take it, careful that our fingers don’t touch. I don’t want any accidental use of my powers today. Weirdly, she seems almost as tense as me about the interaction, but I’m not sure why. I dutifully put it in my mouth and try to make an appropriately appreciative face. Honestly, all human food kind of tastes the same to me. But I do appreciate the gesture.

“I like it,” I say, and she smiles. I wish I had more to add, but I honestly don’t know how you’re supposed to describe food as a human.

After that, we’re done with the tour, but we still have a good amount of time before class starts. Instead of going our separate ways, she asks me, “So, have you seen the rope swings in the woods yet?”

“Rope swings?” I ask. “No.”

“Well, do you want to?”

“Yeah!” I say, trying not to seem too overeager. We start walking through the woods, a light rain misting down on us as we go. There’s green almost everywhere you turn, tree canopies and leaves and ferns surrounding us on all sides.

“So,” she asks, “where are you from?”

“I’m technically from around here, but I’ve lived in Alaska most of my life,” I tell her.

“Wow,” she said, “sounds cold.”

“Yeah, but I like the snow. It’s fun to hunt in.”

Her eyebrows raise. “Not many hunters around here, at least at this college,” she says.

I shrug. I figured she might be the vegetarian type—like, an actual vegetarian, not the vampire kind. But I couldn’t stop myself from telling her. Especially in Olympia, it seems like the most shocking thing about myself I can actually reveal, the closest to telling the truth I can come. Plus, I’ve always disagreed with the rest of my family on this issue. If it comes up around humans, they always say they’re going camping, never hunting. I think it goes against this refined image they’ve cultivated. But I’d rather just be honest about who we are. As honest as we can be, at least. And if she’s not going to like that part of me, I’d rather know now. Although, as soon as I think that, I add desperately in my head, “Okay but please let her like me.”

Out loud I say teasingly, “What, are you one of those vegetarians that’s not gonna want to be friends with me now?”

She rolls her eyes at me. “I am ‘one of those vegetarians’ but I do still want to be friends with you.” Am I overanalyzing the situation, or did she pause slightly before she said “friends”? What does that mean??? But before I can overanalyze too much she adds, “In fact, I think it’s pretty badass. A woman who hunts.” She bites her lip, then smiles at me. After a pause, she adds, “So, any other hobbies besides hunting? Any other clubs you’re gonna join to have the full college experience?”

Again, I just shrug. I’m hesitant to declare things my hobbies because someone else in my family is inevitably so good at it that my interest in it looks kind of pathetic in comparison. And I know hobbies are for fun, not a competition, but it’s hard to have fun when there’s someone next to you doing the thing 10,000 better than you. The stuff I’ve done to occupy my time is stuff none of the rest of them have thought to try, like collage. I got really good at Runescape for a while. “What about you?” I say instead, turning the conversation back to her.

“Well, I do stuff with the Farm, like you know. Plus, I’m involved in a lot of LGBT stuff on campus. Since, you know, I’m a lesbian.” She turns to me, waiting for some kind of reaction.

“Oh, cool,” I say. Her telling me about the LGBT group feels like the equivalent of my hunting comment, like she’s thrown out some sort of gauntlet and she’s waiting to see what I’ll say. But I don’t know what kind of answer she expects because after I say “cool” she continues to look at me carefully for a second. The moment feels charged. I’m usually pretty in touch with my feelings because you have to be if you wanna share them directly with other people, project them into their minds and all that. I’m better at being in my feelings than articulating stuff out loud. But right now I don’t know what to say and I don’t know what to feel, and I don’t know why.

We keep walking, both quiet for a second. To be honest, I’ve never really known any gay or lesbian people or anything like that. I mean, I’ve really only known my family, who have all been in straight marriages for the past 100 years. So while I’m cool with it, people being gay and everything, obviously, it’s not something I’ve thought about that much. I guess some of the vampires that have come by our house occasionally could have been, but I never thought to ask.

But then again, as far as I can tell, almost everyone at Evergreen is cool with it, so I don’t know why it would be such an important thing for her to bring up. Not that, like, I mind that she brought it up! Am I overanalyzing it? But I guess also, like, is this a date? Even thinking that, my stomach kind of does this weird flippy thing, but in a good way? We’re alone, in the woods. She fed me a tomato, and now she’s taking me to see a rope swing. Is that what you do on a date? Gay or straight, I don’t know the first thing about dating. Well, besides what I saw on friends. But that was VERY straight, and also the ‘90s. Who knows what dating is like nowadays. God, I’m not even ancient yet and I still sound like an out-of-touch vampire born in 1900.

I don’t know. I’ve been living with my straight vampire parents and relatives by ourselves in rural Alaska for my whole life! I haven’t thought “what if I’m gay?” But what if I am gay! How do I know?? And date or not, I’m here in the woods with her right now and I should make conversation instead of freaking out internally and making this awkward. Now is not the time for this crisis.

It feels like minutes have gone by, but I think it’s really just my thoughts racing. Right before I can freak out about what to say though, Nat announces, “Here we are!”

There is, indeed, a rope swing in front of us, tied to a tree that leans over a hill. “Wow!” I say, trying to show her I am enthusiastic about this adventure and haven’t been silent because I’m not having fun or anything. She makes a sort of “after you” motion to me, and I admit, “I’ve never actually been on a rope swing before. How do they work?” It seems like it would be simple, but it’s not actually a swing, really. It’s just a rope with a knot in the bottom.

She smiles at me. “Well, you kind of just hoist yourself up there and leap out over the hill. And like swing back around. It’s a long rope, so if you can get your momentum up, you can really be out there for a while. It almost feels like you’re flying, if you close your eyes. Not to sound dorky or anything. Do you want me to show you?” I nod. The quiet moment back in the woods is long forgotten, and she’s so enthusiastic, again, about this new thing. I want to see her in action.

She grabs the rope in both hands, and with great confidence takes a running leap. She laughs and she sails through the air and then back to earth. And seeing her face, her eyes closed and the look of delight on her face, I wonder again if this is a date. Then she holds the rope out to me.

I take the rope from her hands, then calibrate how to look like a human when I run and jump, to not show off too much. I think I do a pretty good job of it. The rope swing is nothing compared to racing through the woods as fast as my vampire legs can take me, or jumping up to the tops of trees. But it’s endearing, and it’s a fun thing to share with her. It is, like the vegetable garden, a very human thing. And I guess I am half human, after all. This is what I came to college for, I think. I like being out in what feels like the middle of nowhere with Nat. Her showing me this rope swing almost feels like her letting me in on a secret. There’s something conspiratorial in the air between us.

Or is it more than conspiratorial? As fun as this is, I can’t stop myself from thinking back, again, to that moment when she told me she was a lesbian. She takes the rope from me, and takes another running leap, and I think about that first day in class when I couldn’t stop staring at her. That’s probably not something you do with someone you just want to be friends with. She’s pretty, like pretty pretty, like I would do a double take if I saw her on the street. Would I want to kiss her? The rope swing isn’t excitement enough to get my vampire heart moving even faster than usual, but asking myself that question sure does the trick.

I try to bring myself back to focusing on the moment, and take the rope swing from her, concentrating on not running too fast or jumping too far when I take off again. Still, as we’re trading the rope back and forth, not really talking but laughing and yelling, I do kind of get caught up in the moment. Her short hair is going crazy from the wind, and her cheeks are flushed too. Every time we pass the rope between us, I’m careful that our hands don’t touch, but part of me wants them too. A large part of me. And then she takes a particularly far jump, and sort of stumbles back onto the ground when she returns. Instinctively, I reach out my hands to steady her, and my fingers brush her bare skin. I lose control of myself, so caught up in the moment, and I can feel myself transferring it to her, everything about this moment, the jumble of my thoughts and feelings that I haven’t yet even had time to sort through. I freeze, and she freezes, and then she turns to me, open-mouthed, and says, “Did you just…?”

But even as she struggles to find the words to finish her sentence, I’ve taken off running, as fast as I think still looks humanly possible, until I can no longer see her, and then I really break out into a run. I think I hear her call my name, once, but I’m going to fast to really be sure. I leave my car back in the school parking lot. I can get home faster without it. I know it’s dumb, just leaving her there like that. But she knows. She knows I used some sort of power on her. And I don’t know how to explain. And maybe even worse, I don’t know how to explain the thoughts and feelings of mine that she now knows, too. Instinctually, I’m doing the only thing I can think of to do, which is to return home, to my family, back to where I really belong. I try to keep tears from welling up, but I don’t succeed. Why did I think I would be able to effortlessly blend in with humans? And now I’ve screwed everything up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have most of the next chapter written, so it should be up sometime very soon! It features lots of Alice! And there will be some more good gay content to come after some family time :) Let me know what you think & thanks as always for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another family meeting with the Cullens, more gay feelings.

As soon I burst into the house, everyone can tell something is wrong. My mom is right where she was this morning, reading that Jane Austin novel. It’s only been a few hours, after all, since I left the house to meet up with Nat. Not wanting to speak, not knowing how to sum up what happened, I instead just reach out a hand toward Bella. I show her myself and Nat at the vegetable garden, Nat and I at the rope swing, me accidentally using my powers on Nat.

I try to keep most of the emotions out of it, to convey just enough for her to know what’s going on. But I’m still too confused and upset by everything that happened back in the woods, and she’s my mom, and I’m so used to sharing with her this way, and part of me hopes she can just make it all better. I can tell by the way she looks at me after I pull my hand away that she got all of it. She knows that I didn’t share my power with just any girl, but a girl that I might have been on a date with. Coming out to your mom via thought projection is as good a way as any, I guess.

I can tell, though, that she knows I don’t necessarily need all of that brought up with the entire family right now. With a look of determination on her face she tells me, “It’s going to be okay,” then she calls out for our family members to come join us. Edward, who was at the piano, is watching from the piano bench. Rosalie come in from the side door that leads to the garage, grease on her mechanic’s clothes. Esme and Carlisle come in from the garden, standing toward one edge of the room, and Alice, Jasper, and Emmett come bounding down the stairs to stand in another.

Bella briefs them on the situation. “Renesmee just accidentally used her powers on a human. She didn’t stay long enough to know the person’s reaction.”

Esme says, “And you’re sure this person realized you had used some sort of powers on them, Renesmee?”

All I can do is nod. Edward adds, “Her powers are strong enough that you know it’s something being projected into your mind, not something you’ve thought up on your own. The perspective is always all wrong, the emotions don’t match up with your own.” I appreciate him not saying, “I told you so,” not ranting about how I never should have gone to college. But the totally calm way they’re all acting right now is somehow worse. They always do this in times of crisis, try and shield me from it. Knowing I’m the one who caused it and that they’re still trying to protect me just makes me more upset. Stubbornly, I fight back against a wave of calm that I know is Jasper’s doing. Like, jeez, I know I’m not technically a teenager anymore but sometimes you just need a moment to be fully immersed in teen angst and not artificially calmed down via your uncle’s vampiric powers. Edward continues, “Who was it, Renesmee? Do they know you at all?

“Her name is Nat,” I tell him. “We’re friends, I guess, but we’ve only known each other for a few days, so…”

“And where were you when you used your powers? Where is she now?” Edward asks.

I pause, reluctant to tell him. Even without reading my mind, he’s still my dad, and he guesses why. He tells me, “Renesmee, I have to read her mind. You don’t know her well at all. You have no idea who she might talk to about this. If I can read her mind, I can help keep all of us, and her, safe. Please let me do this.”

Still, I hesitate a second longer before saying, “Fine.” This whole world that I felt like I was building with her, out there in the woods, was the one part of my life that felt totally separate from my family, from… this. Edward reading her mind is going to ruin all of that. Although, I remind myself, it was me using my powers that set all of this in motion. “Only read it just as much as you have to, though,” I tell him. “And don’t tell anyone else more than they need to know. Don’t tell me more than I need to know. She’s in the woods on campus, at least she was, the last time I saw her.”

Almost before I can finish the sentence, he takes off running. He doesn’t need a more specific location—with his speed and good eyesight and everything, he can canvas the whole of the woods in less than a minute. I guess it’s good I never tried to like sneak out as a teenager or anything. Maybe being one of only three half-vampire, half-humans was rebellion enough for me or something. And the whole sharpened senses thing from my parents means I never would have gotten far.

I don’t say anything as I watch him go. As much as I should be focusing on having put my family in danger, part of me can’t help thinking about what he might see in her mind besides the fallout from that moment I touched her arm. I wonder if he’ll see what she thinks of me as a person, back when she thought I was fully human. It’s something I both desperately want to know and desperately don’t want my father to know. But there’s really no other options in this situation. That’s how all girls get their dating advice, right? They reveal their inhuman nature then get their dad to read the girl’s mind and see if she still might like her back?

Carlisle speaks up. “Edward can address the situation, and we can decide what to do from there.” Something he’s good at is saying what everyone else was already thinking anyway, but in a more commanding tone. But I know he does it to assure everyone we have a plan and that someone is taking charge of the situation. Esme, at his side, nods. Back before I was born, they used to be the only parents in the family, and sometimes they act like they still are. 

“Well, I don’t see anything going wrong for us,” Alice says. “As far as my vision is concerned, at least, our future is the same as it was this morning.”

“You know, you’re not the first one to reveal yourself to a human,” Bella adds. “I know you’ve heard the story of Edward saving me from the car crash before. As uptight as your dad can be, he’s the first one in this family who broke all the rules.” She smirks just a little bit, even as everyone else in the room stays as tense as they were before. “And it worked out fine then. All I’m saying is, this might not be as big of a deal as you think it is.”

Rosalie, who is still hovering near the garage door, says, “Revealing ourselves to humans is always a big deal, Bella.” She looks at me, and adds, “I’m not mad at you. I just think we need to confront the gravity of the situation head on.”

“Besides,” Emmett laughs, “the girl Edward revealed his vampire powers to ended up marrying him like a year later. What are the chances that’s gonna happen twice in one family?”

Something about it just gets to me. All the tension in the room, knowing that my mom knows I’m gay but being unable to talk about it. And after decades of sharing almost everything with my family, not sharing this, that I’m gay, feels like too much. Even though I only just sorta kinda figured it out for myself. Without really thinking, I blurt out, “Well, what if I wanted to marry her?” Even as I say it, I can’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. I’ve known her for like two days! We’re in the midst of a family crisis! Now is not the time for me to come out! Not to mention that it didn’t even occur to me until like half an hour ago that I could be gay. I continue quickly, “Not that I want to marry her. But, what if I did? One day? That’s why I lost control over my powers. I put us all in jeopardy over some crush on a girl I don’t even know!” For a second, there’s a stunned silence, and I can tell no one knows quite what to say. I don’t give them any time to reply, though.

“I’m going to my room,” I say abruptly. “Let me know if Edward comes back and it turns out I have, like, ruined all our lives or whatever.” As I fly toward the stairs, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper move out of the way to let me by. They seem to know they shouldn’t try to stop me.

***

Of course, because he’s a vampire, Edward returns to the house within the hour. And of course, because I’m a vampire, I hear him come in, even though he closes the door quietly and I’ve got a pillow over my head. Damn my good ears. I know everyone else has just been waiting downstairs, and I know he’s going to wait to tell everyone what happened until I’m there. And I guess, like, if she is going to tell people about us and we have to like Do Something About Her I need to be a part of that decision. So I groan, then get up and make my way reluctantly downstairs.

Edward is standing there with a funny look on his face. “She’s not going to tell anyone,” he says, and you can feel the tension in the room release. I don’t feel any better, though, for some reason. Edward opens his mouth to continue, but before he can get even a word out, I stop him.

“You said you wouldn’t tell anyone anything more than necessary, right? What else do you have to tell us.”

I can tell he wants to say more, but that stops him.

“And you’re sure she won’t change her mind about saying anything?” Esme asks softly.

Edward nods. “Although she wants to talk to Renesmee about it, understandably. I think we—”

But Bella cuts him off before he can go into family meeting mode. “I think we should give Renesmee some time. We can talk about this tomorrow.” I glance at her, grateful. I know I should talk to my family about everything that’s just happened. I feel like I owe them some sort of explanation. But I don’t think I can explain everything to them until I can explain at least some of it to myself, and so I turn and flee back up the stairs one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I lied, the stuff with Alice is actually in the next chapter, but I'm gonna post that one either tomorrow or the next day! It's basically already all done. This chapter just got longer than I thought it would. Also, I made a tumblr for twilight stuff, lesbianvampiredwardcullen.tumblr.com. Come say hi if you want & lmk what u think of the fic so far :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renesmee & Alice have a heart-to-heart. See the notes at the beginning of the chapter for a content warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: In this chapter, Renesmee mentions the weirdness of Jacob imprinting on her. HOWEVER, the story I'm writing is semi-cannon-divergent so in my version as soon as he said he imprinted the Cullens moved & he's never been in contact with Renesmee (and won't be in the future.) So it's just like two paragraphs where she discusses the weirdness of knowing about him & how he said he imprinted, but nothing actually happened.

After fleeing the living room and my family, I realize that this isn’t the sort of issue that will just sort itself out. Like, maybe if I had EITHER unintentionally let someone know I had vampire superpowers OR I had just figured out that yeah I have a crush on a girl it would be one thing. But both at the same time?? And it’s not even that I think having a crush on a girl is a bad thing. I just… I never thought I would have one. And I went from not even considering the fact that I might be gay to unintentionally coming out to my whole family in like the span of an hour?

And also, yeah my parents sat me down and had the talk with me at some point. But it was so wild. Like, basically my parents fell in love at eighteen and waited to have sex till they got married and when they were talking to me it was this whole weird back and forth of Edward being like, “Waiting till marriage really is best” and Bella sort of rolling her eyes and saying, “It’s the 21st century now, Edward, remember? Have as much sex as you want” which was mortifying in its own way. PLUS they couldn’t just have the normal talk with me, they had to get into the whole, “Also you’re a vampire and if you DO get a crush on a human like you can technically have sex with them, like, we can’t tell you no because we did it but also it’s EXTREMELY DANGEROUS like…. The heat of the moment….” Which was SO wild like I don’t need to hear that from my parents. And I think they were so caught up in the vampire/human dynamic thing that they really didn’t have time to get into other stuff beyond like, “Oh yes and of course you might like girls.”

And my whole family is just so straight. They don’t, like, have a problem with gay people, but most of them were born in like 1900, and when you’re born in 1900 and then meet your straight life partner after they fall off a cliff and you love the smell of their blood extra much so you decide to save their life, and then you live forever with just them and your six other straight family members, it doesn’t really lead to being gay coming up much in conversation. Like I said earlier, I never met that many vampires before. And maybe the newbies that have come through were gay, I don’t know, but at the time I didn’t think to ask them about it. Being gay was just never on my radar. I always just thought, “Oh yeah, of course gay people are cool, I’m just not one.”

So how do I do this? It’s bad enough having to figure out how to explain to Nat how I projected my thoughts and feelings into her mind. It’s even worse trying to figure out how to, like, flirt with her? At least we know she isn’t going to tell anyone about me. But that doesn’t mean I know how to have my next conversation with her.

It’s not just that, though. There was this guy that my mom used to be friends with. Jacob. He’s a werewolf, and they have this crazy imprinting thing, and when I was born I guess he told my mom that he was going to fall in love with me one day. Besides the whole my-mom-turning-into-a-vampire-and-we-must-hide-that thing, he was one of the reasons our family moved away from Forks. I mean, it’s so gross, this guy feeling like he owns me or something. That he can say that to my parents when I’m a baby!

And even with us moving, they couldn’t shield me from it entirely. I mean, when I got older, they told me about it, because they wanted me to be aware of it, if he ever decided to try and get in contact with me. Which like yeah, he did. He’s never succeeded—I guess that’s where having an overprotective family with magic powers comes in handy. But it’s still scary. And it’s not something I like to talk about. I mean, Edward already worries so much. I don’t want to add to his worries and stuff. But yeah, it’s made me pretty scared of strange men, and it kind of fucks you up, when you experience something like that, to then think about who you might be interested in. Gay or straight, I really hadn’t thought about dating much until now.

So who am I supposed to talk to about all this? The answer is, no one. I’m lying in my room and staring at the ceiling, not even listening to any music. I’ve been doing it for about two hours, but suddenly I hear a knock at my door. I just groan, not saying anything. I’m sure it’s one of my parents, here to have some sort of weird talk with me that won’t make anything better.

The person that opens my door, though, is Alice. She does so tentatively, sticking her head in and saying, “Nessie? Can I come in?”

I don’t tell her no, because I’m sure I’ll have to talk to my family at some point, and talking to Alice seems like one of the least bad options right now. And she didn’t even bring Jasper with her to try and artificially make me feel better or anything. She sits delicately at the foot of my bed. I don’t sit up, I just continue to stare at the ceiling.

After a minute she says, “I know we weren’t… the best at dealing with this. Everyone went into overdrive worrying about if Nat would react badly to your powers, and didn’t think about how the whole situation might be affecting you.” When I don’t say anything, she continues, “So, how are you doing?”

“About as well as you might imagine,” I say.

“Emmett’s comment—it wasn’t a joke that you could be gay, because that’s not funny, it was about Edward and Bella getting married so early and so young. We all love you, you know. No matter who you love.”

“I know,” I tell her.

“Well, even more than that,” she continues, then pauses again before continuing. “We love you because of who you love. Love is such a powerful and wonderful thing. After I first turned, it was knowing that I would find Jasper that kept me from, well, losing my mind.” She laughs softly, maybe almost bitterly, thinking of the asylum, but she’s Alice, so her tone lightens almost immediately. “I know our family can feel stifling and insular at times. I know you haven’t had the most normal childhood. It’s partially because a lot of us have trouble trusting people. It’s not just about hiding that we’re vampires. Most of us had such difficult lives, before we turned. Finding people who could support us, help us heal from what we experienced in our human lives, help us lead the kind of lives we deserved… For people like me, and Rosalie, and Esme… the women of our family have suffered a lot, and finding people to feel safe with isn’t easy.”

Alice continues, “It’s not something we talk about too much. Modern psychology, ideas of trauma… they didn’t even exist when we all went through what we went through. It can be easier to just stay isolated, especially since we’re vampires as well, trusting the people that we trust, loving the people that we already know. When Edward fell for Bella… I know it’s not exactly the same situation, but everyone was so mad at first. Even I was a little wary. We feel like we’ve got something so good, why jeopardize everything? But you… we were so excited when you were born. First of all, just because you’re you. But also, being half vampire and half human, we thought maybe you could fit in better, that you’d be less isolated than us. But Edward’s overprotective, as you know. And the rest of us are maybe more scared of humans than we want to admit. Not just humans. Opening up to anyone is hard. I was so proud of you when you said you wanted to go to school. It’s so brave, seeking out new experiences and new people. And I think it’s brave of you to fall for Nat, this person you don’t know too well, to try and get to know her.”

She takes a breath, then says almost too casually, “You know, I’ve been married to Jasper for a long, long time now. And I plan to be married to him for the foreseeable future.” Again, she laughs a little to herself, a small nod to her ability to literally see the future. “But… I think, if I hadn’t found him, I might have fallen in love with a woman.” She corrects herself, “I mean, I know I could have. I know I love women too. I guess I’m… bisexual.” She pauses. “I’ve never said that out loud, not to anyone. It’s not something I figured out for myself until a while after I’d been with Jasper. There wasn’t the visibility that there is now, for people like you… for people like us. I was already with Jasper, and I worried telling him would just upset him. Which isn’t fair. We love and trust each other enough that it wouldn’t be an issue. But I thought, ‘Well, this doesn’t matter.’ You know, I was already married to a man and everything. But, well, I think now that I was wrong. That it does matter. And I wish I’d told everyone, and you, sooner. That you’d known when you were little. What I’m trying to say is, you’re not alone in feeling this way. I know you know that. I know times are so different nowadays. And I know I’m far from an expert on anything like this, but… what I’m trying to say is, if you do want to talk to someone about… not just the vampire stuff. If you want to talk to someone about the human stuff, about the falling in love stuff, I’m always happy to do that.”

She finishes up by telling me, “I’m going to tell the rest of our family, too. About me being bisexual. And not because of you. But for me. Although I might wait for a different day, when things have calmed down a bit.” Again, Alice laughs softly to herself.

Hearing all that, tears well up in my eyes. Realizing I’m gay is all so new, and hearing from someone I love so much that she understood, really understood, it was just something that I needed to hear. The vampire stuff, that I can deal with. But the human stuff… that’s the hardest part of all, sometimes.

Because she’s Alice, she’s just happy to just sit there in silence with me for a few minutes. I feel like I need that, time to process everything she just said. Not just the stuff about being gay, but also about how much the women in our family have gone through, and how we don’t talk about it. And I don’t feel like I’m necessarily ready to talk about it right now. But I felt like maybe one day I could. I hadn’t realized how much it still affected me, how much I was holding it in, trying not to worry anyone, feeling ridiculous that it still upset me so much when nothing had technically… happened with Jacob. Hearing Alice acknowledge it, that it did matter… that was something I needed to hear. I’m overwhelmed, too, almost with gratitude. That she and Esme and Rosalie are such strong and loving in spite of what they’ve been through. That they’re here to support me, have supported me, since I was born. I’m grateful too, that I was born in a different time than Alice, and that even if liking girls feels new, it’s something I can do, something I know how to talk about, something that people like Alice would support me with.

After a minute of thinking all this, I reach out and touch Alice, my hand on hers, and let her know what’s going through my mind, no words, just my powers. She smiles at me, and I have the feeling that everything is going to be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) This was a more serious chapter, I know. But it was an important one to me & I promise the next chapter will be lots of Renesmee & Nat and there will be cute dates & stuff to come. I'm on vacation this weekend so the next chapter will probably be up around next Wednesday aka like a week from now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll post updates regularly, once a week if not more frequently. I think it might be about ten chapters long, we'll see. Also probably more of the Twilight characters will be in here as the fic goes on


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